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Courageous Campfire Convos: Thank You, Kim

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0:00 Kimberly. All right, listen, this is going to be a long one. Your campfire
0:05 warmth brings out
0:06 something in me that's always there, but so very rarely embraced, felt
0:10 welcome, or honestly safe
0:12 enough to feel like I can truly express myself. So if you need to pause this,
0:17 grab a drink,
0:18 you know, you know, coffee, tea, whatever you need. Maybe kick your feet
0:24 up and get comfortable
0:25 because I'm going to take you on a little bit of a ride via a story.
0:32 I feel like at some point
0:33 soon, though, we should hop on a call. Also, I do plan on having a podcast
0:38 sometime in the next
0:40 three to six months, maybe sooner, and I would love, absolutely love for you
0:44 to be my first guest.
0:46 I think that just no agenda other than maybe a couple bullet points that we
0:50 both want to talk
0:51 about, and then we just riff because I feel like you and I could have a
0:54 really, really fun
0:55 off the cuff on the record conversation that people would appreciate.
1:01 I have to say, though,
1:03 thanking me for my support is like the pot calling the kettle black.
1:06 Seriously, the amount of incredible
1:08 posts, comments, appearances, and just fucking great vibes that you put out
1:12 is, and I'm not
1:13 overstating this, like fresh homemade chicken soup for the soul, followed by
1:18 campfire s'mores for the
1:19 soul, tuck the kids in, and then have the adult conversation around the
1:23 campfire, which,
1:25 with whatever beverages people would like, focusing on healing the family, the
1:29 tribe, and the world's
1:31 soul kind of energy. Now, this is the too -long -didn't -wanna -read
1:35 version of my autobiography.
1:37 It's complicated, complex, messy, and very human.
1:44 I'm going to speak at a normal pace, but you are
1:48 welcome to speed this up on YouTube. This year,
1:53 starting on January 12th, when I began leave for
1:56 insomnia, finally, at 42, deciding I cannot fill
2:01 others' cups from a broken, dried -out Dixie cup
2:04 that's been lying on the floor next to the water cooler trash bin in the lobby
2:09 of the neglected
2:10 clinic. I had to find a way to restore my mana. My spirit needed
2:15 lifting. My body needed rest and
2:17 recovery. My heart needed to learn it was okay, to drop below 84 beats per
2:22 minute every once in a while,
2:24 especially while resting, because a resting heart rate of 84 for me
2:29 is not okay, but that's what I've
2:31 been at this entire year or worse. I am learning to lower it recently.
2:38 Now, my brain and nervous system
2:40 had to both experience what safety truly feels like before either would
2:45 believe it. Now, many, air quotes
2:47 here creators on LinkedIn who have begun to unmask, speak up,
2:52 be truer to themselves than ever, throw
2:55 some caution to the wind, and more than that, have contributed to my own
2:59 psychological safety in ways
3:01 I would need an entire book to explain, but none more than you, Kim, and
3:06 I mean that from my heart.
3:08 In the last seven and a half months alone, I've had to go formal, nearly
3:13 legally enforced, no contact
3:15 with the entire maternal side of my family. It's a messy story, but
3:20 unaddressed childhood trauma that is
3:23 presenting in adults in their 70s, for me, was a very bad experience of self
3:28 -protective narcissism, or at least
3:30 narcissistic traits, that unfortunately drove me to lose access to my favorite
3:35 humans in this world, the people I love
3:38 most of my nephews. In March, three months into leave for insomnia,
3:43 I was forced into my actual former
3:48 employer's emergency room for suicidal ideations that I didn't have
3:52 and was completely misunderstood
3:55 about. I was cuffed for my safety while I was on the phone with my
4:00 dad on FaceTime in the doorway of my
4:03 apartment, looking at four cops with guns, three of them with hands
4:09 near their guns, and trying to
4:10 explain how triggering it is for me to be treated like this, being told that I
4:15 was suicidal when I
4:16 wasn't, being triggered while having a recent two -month -old
4:21 CPTSD diagnosis, having them tell me I was
4:25 suicidal when anyone that knows me knows, that's not an option. I've walked
4:30 for the American Foundation
4:31 for Suicide Prevention. I've had friends, family, and more die of both
4:36 intentional and unintentional
4:38 suicide. There's no quit in me. There's no quit in this dog. The fight in my
4:44 soul for a good life
4:45 won't stop until this universe takes my last breath from my cold, dead lungs.
4:50 Now that happened on March
4:52 3rd, and since then, since the hospitalization and when I got out on March
4:56 11th, I've been on a journey
4:58 from rock bottom back up because of a simple misunderstood statement
5:03 and making a joke at a
5:05 cop's expense. That got me sent in for crisis intervention to where
5:10 now I know I belong with
5:13 every intention to go much further than I've ever been in due time. My goal
5:18 has always been to help
5:19 people, and I will do that, and I will find ways to do that while
5:24 accommodating my needs, my special
5:26 needs, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and more. So, your campfire
5:31 concept is similar to what I've been
5:33 doing as much as possible on LinkedIn this year and various other social media
5:37 networks. By stepping into
5:39 comment sections every day, finding ways to get in where I fit in, and finding
5:44 my freaking people.
5:47 Sarah Sue, Shahada, and I have been rooting each other on for months, and we
5:51 call it dinner table
5:52 conversations. Now, I want people to feel so safe that it's like being around
5:57 a well -adjusted nuclear
5:58 family dinner table where everyone gets a chance to share their day. What they
6:04 learned, what interested
6:05 them the most, what was weighing them down, what were their blockers, and most
6:09 importantly, what did they
6:11 want to do tonight to make it a great overall day, even if the first half was
6:16 rough. Now, I have yet to
6:18 truly mask online, unmask online, and I doubt anyone professionally will ever
6:23 see me at my rawest, but I do
6:25 know that I've learned to unmask and use my voice, my intentions, my
6:30 morals, my values, my ethics, and my
6:33 personal vision for a softer, kinder, better future for everyone. And
6:39 that, those are all my guiding
6:40 principles. Now, helping people is what I do. It's what I love to do. It's
6:44 what I've always wanted to do.
6:46 It's what I've always been driven to do, and it's always what I've tried my
6:50 hardest to do, often at
6:52 great cost to myself. No matter what it is, I've always been Johnny on the
6:58 spot when I can, personally,
7:00 professionally, among friends, family, partners, and many strangers too, all
7:05 have experienced my giving,
7:06 protective, and providing nature. That's not to say I have only one
7:12 side. Now, the provider in me comes from
7:15 my father, not my mother, and I spent most of my formative years under her
7:20 primary care. I've been commended
7:23 professionally dozens and dozens of times for embodying different
7:28 core values, but none more
7:30 than the value of anticipating the needs of others. Now, so few of those
7:35 written commendations or
7:37 diamonds or bravos or whatever you'd like to call them, so few of those
7:42 were for the problem that
7:44 opened the ticket that got me into the room, into the clinic, into the exam
7:48 room, underneath a desk,
7:50 into a server room, or more. They were all, because while I was there fixing
7:55 the problem, I spoke human to human
7:58 with the caregivers experiencing technical security or other
8:03 issues, and they would almost always open up about
8:06 their real problems at work, because they felt safe to share what was on their
8:10 mind, because they didn't feel
8:12 judged, because they felt like, wow, this person actually cares. Much like
8:16 you, Kim. Now, I want to hit your what,
8:19 what, what, what in person, or not necessarily in person soon, but over a, you
8:24 know, YouTube Live, or a LinkedIn Live, or
8:26 something. Even if we just do a one -on -one Zoom or Google Meet, I would love
8:31 to answer those questions, because I have far too many
8:34 thoughts to make you listen to me any further than you already have to, and
8:38 I'm not quite done yet. The number of people that are
8:42 starting to show up with one foot over the edge of the field, as you say, on
8:47 their way to this campsite, it's just
8:49 beyond the field, through a hundred feet of trees, and it's incredible to see
8:53 these people inching closer and
8:55 closer to where we are, and where we're trying to be, and where we're trying
8:58 to go. Now, I see so many
9:01 dipping their toe into the conversations we're having, and it heartens me. It
9:04 lightens my soul every day, because I
9:06 myself am not truly at that campfire yet. While I contribute, I'm contributing
9:12 via smoke signal from my
9:13 cabin in the woods down the road. My auditory voice can be loud like
9:19 a lion, or roar like a lioness, protecting
9:22 her cubs. And I mean that in masculine and feminine energy. I mean that in
9:27 both loud, angry, stern, and loud,
9:30 protective energy. And I also don't let people fuck with my
9:35 family type of projection, because I'm
9:38 protective. And my vocal cords were blessed with range, from soft, kind, and
9:43 caring, and loving, to
9:45 sterner than anyone will ever want to fucking hear. Now, I do not like going
9:50 stern. I prefer light,
9:51 and I really lean into love leading the way. But sometimes, you've got to find
9:56 your table flipping
9:57 energy, and raise your concerns with some authority. Now, my life's goal has
10:01 been to build a community
10:02 of like -minded, like -hearted, like -valued, and more people, whose focus is
10:06 growing together,
10:07 holding each other accountable, in positive and helpful ways, and learning
10:11 from one another,
10:12 with no shame or ego involved. Just the kind of energy we embodied as
10:16 children, when we had the
10:18 curiosity and drive to solve any challenge we encountered. Our brains were
10:23 once so spongy and
10:24 plastic, that our childlike wonder told us anything was possible, and if you
10:28 believed in yourself,
10:29 you could do anything. When asked what we wanted to be when we grew up, we
10:32 could answer firefighter,
10:34 astronaut, nurse, they're fucking awesome. Doctor, they lean on the nurses way
10:39 too much, and the
10:40 acuity between those two, the ratio between those two is fucked. Or a mermaid,
10:45 or a dragon rider,
10:47 and there were truly part of us that knew, deep down, we could do anything we
10:51 wanted.
10:52 We didn't fear failure, because we didn't understand the concept of terminal
10:56 failure,
10:57 throwing a career away, losing people due to mistakes, and much, much more.
11:02 Our receptors for
11:03 new knowledge were just on, our antenna for experience, our willingness to
11:08 experience and learn
11:09 new things was essential, because that's the role of developing brain, mind,
11:15 soul, and life.
11:17 Now, Kim, I've flowed in and out of tears coming up with this response.
11:23 I've got notes, but I had
11:25 to collect my response to your questions while also telling you a little bit
11:29 more about myself and
11:30 my backstory. You've brought me to tears numerous times while reading
11:35 your posts and your comments
11:37 alone, not even ones that I've interacted with.
11:43 Your message this morning, when I saw it a little bit
11:47 later in the morning, brought me to tears in the most joyous way possible. I
11:51 was overcome.
11:53 Because I've always known that people like you and I exist, and I've been
11:58 looking for y 'all for a long
11:59 fucking time. Unexpectedly, I found some of you on LinkedIn of all places, and
12:05 to find a community
12:06 that's become so much more than that. I know none of us really know each other
12:10 yet. I know some of you
12:11 are meeting each other, and I can't wait to experience that with y 'all
12:15 someday. But I also
12:17 can see that the pattern in the conversations, I can see the guards dropping,
12:21 I can see the truth
12:22 coming out, I can see the scared people throwing that fear away and saying,
12:27 no, we have to change
12:28 this. It's a fucking feeling of tribes sitting around the fire sharing war
12:32 stories and wisdom
12:33 while cracking jokes and embracing the fact that we need to let the fuckery
12:37 begin.
12:37 And always watch your back for the Hummingbird Mafia. Those hombres don't
12:42 play.
12:42 Now, I didn't have access to catharsis or to sad or happy tears until this
12:47 year. And now when they
12:49 come up, I embrace the hell out of them. I want to thank you because you've
12:53 definitely caused some.
12:55 You've touched my spirit, my soul, my heart, and my mind with your incredibly
12:59 touching writing.
13:02 Society needs millions more like you. But we can start one -on -one with
13:07 incredible humans sharing
13:09 their stories, learning the patterns that persist across the world, and
13:13 finding ways to solve them
13:15 together. I'm going to stop here, Kimberly, and I appreciate you more than you
13:21 know. I'm sorry
13:22 I've given you so much to listen to, but I've been trying to find my long
13:25 -form voice,
13:26 and I think this reply to you has truly helped me realize what matters most.
13:32 Thank you, Kim. Have an
13:33 awesome fucking day.

Courageous Campfire Convos: Thank You, Kim

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