WEBVTT 00:00:00.660 --> 00:00:05.800 Kimberly. All right, listen, this is going to be a long one. Your campfire 00:00:05.800 --> 00:00:06.700 warmth brings out 00:00:06.700 --> 00:00:10.100 something in me that's always there, but so very rarely embraced, felt 00:00:10.100 --> 00:00:12.100 welcome, or honestly safe 00:00:12.100 --> 00:00:17.240 enough to feel like I can truly express myself. So if you need to pause this, 00:00:17.540 --> 00:00:18.400 grab a drink, 00:00:18.740 --> 00:00:24.060 you know, you know, coffee, tea, whatever you need. Maybe kick your feet 00:00:24.060 --> 00:00:25.160 up and get comfortable 00:00:25.160 --> 00:00:29.320 because I'm going to take you on a little bit of a ride via a story. 00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:33.940 I feel like at some point 00:00:33.940 --> 00:00:38.980 soon, though, we should hop on a call. Also, I do plan on having a podcast 00:00:38.980 --> 00:00:40.040 sometime in the next 00:00:40.040 --> 00:00:44.440 three to six months, maybe sooner, and I would love, absolutely love for you 00:00:44.440 --> 00:00:45.480 to be my first guest. 00:00:46.340 --> 00:00:50.460 I think that just no agenda other than maybe a couple bullet points that we 00:00:50.460 --> 00:00:51.120 both want to talk 00:00:51.120 --> 00:00:54.820 about, and then we just riff because I feel like you and I could have a 00:00:54.820 --> 00:00:55.620 really, really fun 00:00:55.620 --> 00:01:00.960 off the cuff on the record conversation that people would appreciate. 00:01:01.720 --> 00:01:03.080 I have to say, though, 00:01:03.320 --> 00:01:06.160 thanking me for my support is like the pot calling the kettle black. 00:01:06.360 --> 00:01:08.220 Seriously, the amount of incredible 00:01:08.220 --> 00:01:12.160 posts, comments, appearances, and just fucking great vibes that you put out 00:01:12.160 --> 00:01:13.300 is, and I'm not 00:01:13.300 --> 00:01:18.380 overstating this, like fresh homemade chicken soup for the soul, followed by 00:01:18.380 --> 00:01:19.900 campfire s'mores for the 00:01:19.900 --> 00:01:23.900 soul, tuck the kids in, and then have the adult conversation around the 00:01:23.900 --> 00:01:25.280 campfire, which, 00:01:25.280 --> 00:01:29.720 with whatever beverages people would like, focusing on healing the family, the 00:01:29.720 --> 00:01:31.040 tribe, and the world's 00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:35.900 soul kind of energy. Now, this is the too -long -didn't -wanna -read 00:01:35.900 --> 00:01:37.900 version of my autobiography. 00:01:37.920 --> 00:01:42.520 It's complicated, complex, messy, and very human. 00:01:44.440 --> 00:01:48.180 I'm going to speak at a normal pace, but you are 00:01:48.180 --> 00:01:53.330 welcome to speed this up on YouTube. This year, 00:01:53.470 --> 00:01:56.050 starting on January 12th, when I began leave for 00:01:56.050 --> 00:02:01.410 insomnia, finally, at 42, deciding I cannot fill 00:02:01.410 --> 00:02:04.870 others' cups from a broken, dried -out Dixie cup 00:02:04.870 --> 00:02:09.670 that's been lying on the floor next to the water cooler trash bin in the lobby 00:02:09.670 --> 00:02:10.410 of the neglected 00:02:10.410 --> 00:02:15.510 clinic. I had to find a way to restore my mana. My spirit needed 00:02:15.510 --> 00:02:17.830 lifting. My body needed rest and 00:02:17.830 --> 00:02:22.830 recovery. My heart needed to learn it was okay, to drop below 84 beats per 00:02:22.830 --> 00:02:24.350 minute every once in a while, 00:02:24.350 --> 00:02:29.430 especially while resting, because a resting heart rate of 84 for me 00:02:29.430 --> 00:02:31.630 is not okay, but that's what I've 00:02:31.630 --> 00:02:37.030 been at this entire year or worse. I am learning to lower it recently. 00:02:38.030 --> 00:02:40.270 Now, my brain and nervous system 00:02:40.270 --> 00:02:45.050 had to both experience what safety truly feels like before either would 00:02:45.050 --> 00:02:47.710 believe it. Now, many, air quotes 00:02:47.710 --> 00:02:52.730 here creators on LinkedIn who have begun to unmask, speak up, 00:02:52.910 --> 00:02:55.310 be truer to themselves than ever, throw 00:02:55.310 --> 00:02:59.410 some caution to the wind, and more than that, have contributed to my own 00:02:59.410 --> 00:03:01.130 psychological safety in ways 00:03:01.130 --> 00:03:06.570 I would need an entire book to explain, but none more than you, Kim, and 00:03:06.570 --> 00:03:08.250 I mean that from my heart. 00:03:08.990 --> 00:03:13.410 In the last seven and a half months alone, I've had to go formal, nearly 00:03:13.410 --> 00:03:15.490 legally enforced, no contact 00:03:15.490 --> 00:03:20.270 with the entire maternal side of my family. It's a messy story, but 00:03:20.270 --> 00:03:23.230 unaddressed childhood trauma that is 00:03:23.230 --> 00:03:28.530 presenting in adults in their 70s, for me, was a very bad experience of self 00:03:28.530 --> 00:03:30.830 -protective narcissism, or at least 00:03:30.830 --> 00:03:35.690 narcissistic traits, that unfortunately drove me to lose access to my favorite 00:03:35.690 --> 00:03:38.130 humans in this world, the people I love 00:03:38.250 --> 00:03:43.370 most of my nephews. In March, three months into leave for insomnia, 00:03:43.630 --> 00:03:48.050 I was forced into my actual former 00:03:48.050 --> 00:03:52.950 employer's emergency room for suicidal ideations that I didn't have 00:03:52.950 --> 00:03:55.530 and was completely misunderstood 00:03:55.530 --> 00:04:00.930 about. I was cuffed for my safety while I was on the phone with my 00:04:00.930 --> 00:04:03.550 dad on FaceTime in the doorway of my 00:04:03.550 --> 00:04:09.050 apartment, looking at four cops with guns, three of them with hands 00:04:09.050 --> 00:04:10.730 near their guns, and trying to 00:04:10.730 --> 00:04:15.750 explain how triggering it is for me to be treated like this, being told that I 00:04:15.750 --> 00:04:16.810 was suicidal when I 00:04:16.810 --> 00:04:21.530 wasn't, being triggered while having a recent two -month -old 00:04:21.530 --> 00:04:25.590 CPTSD diagnosis, having them tell me I was 00:04:25.590 --> 00:04:30.630 suicidal when anyone that knows me knows, that's not an option. I've walked 00:04:30.630 --> 00:04:31.930 for the American Foundation 00:04:31.930 --> 00:04:36.910 for Suicide Prevention. I've had friends, family, and more die of both 00:04:36.910 --> 00:04:38.510 intentional and unintentional 00:04:38.510 --> 00:04:44.010 suicide. There's no quit in me. There's no quit in this dog. The fight in my 00:04:44.010 --> 00:04:45.110 soul for a good life 00:04:45.110 --> 00:04:50.510 won't stop until this universe takes my last breath from my cold, dead lungs. 00:04:50.990 --> 00:04:52.570 Now that happened on March 00:04:52.570 --> 00:04:56.990 3rd, and since then, since the hospitalization and when I got out on March 00:04:56.990 --> 00:04:58.530 11th, I've been on a journey 00:04:58.530 --> 00:05:03.890 from rock bottom back up because of a simple misunderstood statement 00:05:03.890 --> 00:05:05.550 and making a joke at a 00:05:05.550 --> 00:05:10.630 cop's expense. That got me sent in for crisis intervention to where 00:05:10.630 --> 00:05:13.650 now I know I belong with 00:05:13.650 --> 00:05:18.990 every intention to go much further than I've ever been in due time. My goal 00:05:18.990 --> 00:05:19.990 has always been to help 00:05:19.990 --> 00:05:24.010 people, and I will do that, and I will find ways to do that while 00:05:24.010 --> 00:05:26.490 accommodating my needs, my special 00:05:26.490 --> 00:05:31.810 needs, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and more. So, your campfire 00:05:31.810 --> 00:05:33.490 concept is similar to what I've been 00:05:33.490 --> 00:05:37.410 doing as much as possible on LinkedIn this year and various other social media 00:05:37.410 --> 00:05:39.890 networks. By stepping into 00:05:39.890 --> 00:05:44.670 comment sections every day, finding ways to get in where I fit in, and finding 00:05:44.670 --> 00:05:46.090 my freaking people. 00:05:47.290 --> 00:05:51.190 Sarah Sue, Shahada, and I have been rooting each other on for months, and we 00:05:51.190 --> 00:05:52.650 call it dinner table 00:05:52.650 --> 00:05:57.850 conversations. Now, I want people to feel so safe that it's like being around 00:05:57.850 --> 00:05:58.910 a well -adjusted nuclear 00:05:58.910 --> 00:06:04.250 family dinner table where everyone gets a chance to share their day. What they 00:06:04.250 --> 00:06:05.510 learned, what interested 00:06:05.510 --> 00:06:09.990 them the most, what was weighing them down, what were their blockers, and most 00:06:09.990 --> 00:06:11.650 importantly, what did they 00:06:11.650 --> 00:06:16.370 want to do tonight to make it a great overall day, even if the first half was 00:06:16.370 --> 00:06:18.610 rough. Now, I have yet to 00:06:18.610 --> 00:06:23.390 truly mask online, unmask online, and I doubt anyone professionally will ever 00:06:23.390 --> 00:06:25.750 see me at my rawest, but I do 00:06:25.750 --> 00:06:30.850 know that I've learned to unmask and use my voice, my intentions, my 00:06:30.850 --> 00:06:33.690 morals, my values, my ethics, and my 00:06:33.690 --> 00:06:39.190 personal vision for a softer, kinder, better future for everyone. And 00:06:39.190 --> 00:06:40.710 that, those are all my guiding 00:06:40.710 --> 00:06:44.730 principles. Now, helping people is what I do. It's what I love to do. It's 00:06:44.730 --> 00:06:45.950 what I've always wanted to do. 00:06:46.090 --> 00:06:50.850 It's what I've always been driven to do, and it's always what I've tried my 00:06:50.850 --> 00:06:52.990 hardest to do, often at 00:06:52.990 --> 00:06:58.130 great cost to myself. No matter what it is, I've always been Johnny on the 00:06:58.130 --> 00:07:00.250 spot when I can, personally, 00:07:00.250 --> 00:07:05.270 professionally, among friends, family, partners, and many strangers too, all 00:07:05.270 --> 00:07:06.510 have experienced my giving, 00:07:06.670 --> 00:07:12.170 protective, and providing nature. That's not to say I have only one 00:07:12.170 --> 00:07:15.310 side. Now, the provider in me comes from 00:07:15.310 --> 00:07:20.190 my father, not my mother, and I spent most of my formative years under her 00:07:20.190 --> 00:07:23.310 primary care. I've been commended 00:07:23.310 --> 00:07:28.650 professionally dozens and dozens of times for embodying different 00:07:28.650 --> 00:07:30.630 core values, but none more 00:07:30.630 --> 00:07:35.710 than the value of anticipating the needs of others. Now, so few of those 00:07:35.710 --> 00:07:37.310 written commendations or 00:07:37.310 --> 00:07:42.790 diamonds or bravos or whatever you'd like to call them, so few of those 00:07:42.790 --> 00:07:44.030 were for the problem that 00:07:44.030 --> 00:07:48.610 opened the ticket that got me into the room, into the clinic, into the exam 00:07:48.610 --> 00:07:50.690 room, underneath a desk, 00:07:50.690 --> 00:07:55.630 into a server room, or more. They were all, because while I was there fixing 00:07:55.630 --> 00:07:58.410 the problem, I spoke human to human 00:07:58.410 --> 00:08:03.770 with the caregivers experiencing technical security or other 00:08:03.770 --> 00:08:06.450 issues, and they would almost always open up about 00:08:06.450 --> 00:08:10.970 their real problems at work, because they felt safe to share what was on their 00:08:10.970 --> 00:08:12.110 mind, because they didn't feel 00:08:12.110 --> 00:08:16.950 judged, because they felt like, wow, this person actually cares. Much like 00:08:16.950 --> 00:08:19.690 you, Kim. Now, I want to hit your what, 00:08:19.690 --> 00:08:24.990 what, what, what in person, or not necessarily in person soon, but over a, you 00:08:24.990 --> 00:08:26.830 know, YouTube Live, or a LinkedIn Live, or 00:08:26.830 --> 00:08:31.310 something. Even if we just do a one -on -one Zoom or Google Meet, I would love 00:08:31.310 --> 00:08:34.190 to answer those questions, because I have far too many 00:08:34.190 --> 00:08:38.850 thoughts to make you listen to me any further than you already have to, and 00:08:38.850 --> 00:08:42.930 I'm not quite done yet. The number of people that are 00:08:42.930 --> 00:08:47.090 starting to show up with one foot over the edge of the field, as you say, on 00:08:47.090 --> 00:08:49.710 their way to this campsite, it's just 00:08:49.710 --> 00:08:53.870 beyond the field, through a hundred feet of trees, and it's incredible to see 00:08:53.870 --> 00:08:55.630 these people inching closer and 00:08:55.630 --> 00:08:58.970 closer to where we are, and where we're trying to be, and where we're trying 00:08:58.970 --> 00:09:01.030 to go. Now, I see so many 00:09:01.030 --> 00:09:04.410 dipping their toe into the conversations we're having, and it heartens me. It 00:09:04.410 --> 00:09:06.770 lightens my soul every day, because I 00:09:06.770 --> 00:09:12.070 myself am not truly at that campfire yet. While I contribute, I'm contributing 00:09:12.070 --> 00:09:13.930 via smoke signal from my 00:09:13.930 --> 00:09:19.390 cabin in the woods down the road. My auditory voice can be loud like 00:09:19.390 --> 00:09:22.570 a lion, or roar like a lioness, protecting 00:09:22.570 --> 00:09:27.330 her cubs. And I mean that in masculine and feminine energy. I mean that in 00:09:27.330 --> 00:09:30.370 both loud, angry, stern, and loud, 00:09:30.370 --> 00:09:35.810 protective energy. And I also don't let people fuck with my 00:09:35.810 --> 00:09:38.690 family type of projection, because I'm 00:09:38.690 --> 00:09:43.430 protective. And my vocal cords were blessed with range, from soft, kind, and 00:09:43.430 --> 00:09:45.190 caring, and loving, to 00:09:45.190 --> 00:09:50.250 sterner than anyone will ever want to fucking hear. Now, I do not like going 00:09:50.250 --> 00:09:51.530 stern. I prefer light, 00:09:51.650 --> 00:09:56.770 and I really lean into love leading the way. But sometimes, you've got to find 00:09:56.770 --> 00:09:57.550 your table flipping 00:09:57.550 --> 00:10:01.950 energy, and raise your concerns with some authority. Now, my life's goal has 00:10:01.950 --> 00:10:02.890 been to build a community 00:10:02.890 --> 00:10:06.950 of like -minded, like -hearted, like -valued, and more people, whose focus is 00:10:06.950 --> 00:10:07.630 growing together, 00:10:07.910 --> 00:10:11.790 holding each other accountable, in positive and helpful ways, and learning 00:10:11.790 --> 00:10:12.650 from one another, 00:10:12.710 --> 00:10:16.830 with no shame or ego involved. Just the kind of energy we embodied as 00:10:16.830 --> 00:10:18.350 children, when we had the 00:10:18.350 --> 00:10:23.090 curiosity and drive to solve any challenge we encountered. Our brains were 00:10:23.090 --> 00:10:24.170 once so spongy and 00:10:24.170 --> 00:10:28.110 plastic, that our childlike wonder told us anything was possible, and if you 00:10:28.110 --> 00:10:28.930 believed in yourself, 00:10:29.090 --> 00:10:32.850 you could do anything. When asked what we wanted to be when we grew up, we 00:10:32.850 --> 00:10:34.330 could answer firefighter, 00:10:34.430 --> 00:10:39.270 astronaut, nurse, they're fucking awesome. Doctor, they lean on the nurses way 00:10:39.270 --> 00:10:40.450 too much, and the 00:10:40.450 --> 00:10:45.730 acuity between those two, the ratio between those two is fucked. Or a mermaid, 00:10:45.950 --> 00:10:47.210 or a dragon rider, 00:10:47.210 --> 00:10:51.970 and there were truly part of us that knew, deep down, we could do anything we 00:10:51.970 --> 00:10:52.230 wanted. 00:10:52.850 --> 00:10:56.670 We didn't fear failure, because we didn't understand the concept of terminal 00:10:56.670 --> 00:10:57.130 failure, 00:10:57.450 --> 00:11:01.810 throwing a career away, losing people due to mistakes, and much, much more. 00:11:02.150 --> 00:11:03.470 Our receptors for 00:11:03.470 --> 00:11:08.650 new knowledge were just on, our antenna for experience, our willingness to 00:11:08.650 --> 00:11:09.770 experience and learn 00:11:09.770 --> 00:11:14.970 new things was essential, because that's the role of developing brain, mind, 00:11:15.170 --> 00:11:16.410 soul, and life. 00:11:17.670 --> 00:11:23.030 Now, Kim, I've flowed in and out of tears coming up with this response. 00:11:23.230 --> 00:11:25.330 I've got notes, but I had 00:11:25.330 --> 00:11:29.690 to collect my response to your questions while also telling you a little bit 00:11:29.690 --> 00:11:30.630 more about myself and 00:11:30.630 --> 00:11:35.810 my backstory. You've brought me to tears numerous times while reading 00:11:35.810 --> 00:11:37.870 your posts and your comments 00:11:37.870 --> 00:11:40.870 alone, not even ones that I've interacted with. 00:11:43.500 --> 00:11:47.120 Your message this morning, when I saw it a little bit 00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:51.880 later in the morning, brought me to tears in the most joyous way possible. I 00:11:51.880 --> 00:11:52.660 was overcome. 00:11:53.620 --> 00:11:58.340 Because I've always known that people like you and I exist, and I've been 00:11:58.340 --> 00:11:59.840 looking for y 'all for a long 00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:05.260 fucking time. Unexpectedly, I found some of you on LinkedIn of all places, and 00:12:05.260 --> 00:12:06.500 to find a community 00:12:06.500 --> 00:12:10.840 that's become so much more than that. I know none of us really know each other 00:12:10.840 --> 00:12:11.880 yet. I know some of you 00:12:11.880 --> 00:12:15.520 are meeting each other, and I can't wait to experience that with y 'all 00:12:15.520 --> 00:12:17.120 someday. But I also 00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:21.640 can see that the pattern in the conversations, I can see the guards dropping, 00:12:21.860 --> 00:12:22.960 I can see the truth 00:12:22.960 --> 00:12:27.220 coming out, I can see the scared people throwing that fear away and saying, 00:12:27.300 --> 00:12:28.460 no, we have to change 00:12:28.460 --> 00:12:32.700 this. It's a fucking feeling of tribes sitting around the fire sharing war 00:12:32.700 --> 00:12:33.600 stories and wisdom 00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:37.460 while cracking jokes and embracing the fact that we need to let the fuckery 00:12:37.460 --> 00:12:37.960 begin. 00:12:37.960 --> 00:12:42.000 And always watch your back for the Hummingbird Mafia. Those hombres don't 00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:42.260 play. 00:12:42.980 --> 00:12:47.880 Now, I didn't have access to catharsis or to sad or happy tears until this 00:12:47.880 --> 00:12:49.440 year. And now when they 00:12:49.440 --> 00:12:53.500 come up, I embrace the hell out of them. I want to thank you because you've 00:12:53.500 --> 00:12:54.880 definitely caused some. 00:12:55.080 --> 00:12:59.500 You've touched my spirit, my soul, my heart, and my mind with your incredibly 00:12:59.500 --> 00:13:01.060 touching writing. 00:13:02.420 --> 00:13:07.600 Society needs millions more like you. But we can start one -on -one with 00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:09.300 incredible humans sharing 00:13:09.300 --> 00:13:13.660 their stories, learning the patterns that persist across the world, and 00:13:13.660 --> 00:13:15.000 finding ways to solve them 00:13:15.720 --> 00:13:21.000 together. I'm going to stop here, Kimberly, and I appreciate you more than you 00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:22.220 know. I'm sorry 00:13:22.220 --> 00:13:25.960 I've given you so much to listen to, but I've been trying to find my long 00:13:25.960 --> 00:13:26.640 -form voice, 00:13:26.640 --> 00:13:31.940 and I think this reply to you has truly helped me realize what matters most. 00:13:32.200 --> 00:13:33.800 Thank you, Kim. Have an 00:13:33.800 --> 00:13:34.960 awesome fucking day.