1 00:00:00,660 --> 00:00:05,800 Kimberly. All right, listen, this is going to be a long one. Your campfire 2 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:06,700 warmth brings out 3 00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:10,100 something in me that's always there, but so very rarely embraced, felt 4 00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:12,100 welcome, or honestly safe 5 00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:17,240 enough to feel like I can truly express myself. So if you need to pause this, 6 00:00:17,540 --> 00:00:18,400 grab a drink, 7 00:00:18,740 --> 00:00:24,060 you know, you know, coffee, tea, whatever you need. Maybe kick your feet 8 00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:25,160 up and get comfortable 9 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:29,320 because I'm going to take you on a little bit of a ride via a story. 10 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,940 I feel like at some point 11 00:00:33,940 --> 00:00:38,980 soon, though, we should hop on a call. Also, I do plan on having a podcast 12 00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:40,040 sometime in the next 13 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:44,440 three to six months, maybe sooner, and I would love, absolutely love for you 14 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:45,480 to be my first guest. 15 00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:50,460 I think that just no agenda other than maybe a couple bullet points that we 16 00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:51,120 both want to talk 17 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:54,820 about, and then we just riff because I feel like you and I could have a 18 00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:55,620 really, really fun 19 00:00:55,620 --> 00:01:00,960 off the cuff on the record conversation that people would appreciate. 20 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,080 I have to say, though, 21 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,160 thanking me for my support is like the pot calling the kettle black. 22 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,220 Seriously, the amount of incredible 23 00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:12,160 posts, comments, appearances, and just fucking great vibes that you put out 24 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,300 is, and I'm not 25 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:18,380 overstating this, like fresh homemade chicken soup for the soul, followed by 26 00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:19,900 campfire s'mores for the 27 00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:23,900 soul, tuck the kids in, and then have the adult conversation around the 28 00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:25,280 campfire, which, 29 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:29,720 with whatever beverages people would like, focusing on healing the family, the 30 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,040 tribe, and the world's 31 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:35,900 soul kind of energy. Now, this is the too -long -didn't -wanna -read 32 00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:37,900 version of my autobiography. 33 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:42,520 It's complicated, complex, messy, and very human. 34 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:48,180 I'm going to speak at a normal pace, but you are 35 00:01:48,180 --> 00:01:53,330 welcome to speed this up on YouTube. This year, 36 00:01:53,470 --> 00:01:56,050 starting on January 12th, when I began leave for 37 00:01:56,050 --> 00:02:01,410 insomnia, finally, at 42, deciding I cannot fill 38 00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:04,870 others' cups from a broken, dried -out Dixie cup 39 00:02:04,870 --> 00:02:09,670 that's been lying on the floor next to the water cooler trash bin in the lobby 40 00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:10,410 of the neglected 41 00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:15,510 clinic. I had to find a way to restore my mana. My spirit needed 42 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,830 lifting. My body needed rest and 43 00:02:17,830 --> 00:02:22,830 recovery. My heart needed to learn it was okay, to drop below 84 beats per 44 00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:24,350 minute every once in a while, 45 00:02:24,350 --> 00:02:29,430 especially while resting, because a resting heart rate of 84 for me 46 00:02:29,430 --> 00:02:31,630 is not okay, but that's what I've 47 00:02:31,630 --> 00:02:37,030 been at this entire year or worse. I am learning to lower it recently. 48 00:02:38,030 --> 00:02:40,270 Now, my brain and nervous system 49 00:02:40,270 --> 00:02:45,050 had to both experience what safety truly feels like before either would 50 00:02:45,050 --> 00:02:47,710 believe it. Now, many, air quotes 51 00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:52,730 here creators on LinkedIn who have begun to unmask, speak up, 52 00:02:52,910 --> 00:02:55,310 be truer to themselves than ever, throw 53 00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:59,410 some caution to the wind, and more than that, have contributed to my own 54 00:02:59,410 --> 00:03:01,130 psychological safety in ways 55 00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:06,570 I would need an entire book to explain, but none more than you, Kim, and 56 00:03:06,570 --> 00:03:08,250 I mean that from my heart. 57 00:03:08,990 --> 00:03:13,410 In the last seven and a half months alone, I've had to go formal, nearly 58 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,490 legally enforced, no contact 59 00:03:15,490 --> 00:03:20,270 with the entire maternal side of my family. It's a messy story, but 60 00:03:20,270 --> 00:03:23,230 unaddressed childhood trauma that is 61 00:03:23,230 --> 00:03:28,530 presenting in adults in their 70s, for me, was a very bad experience of self 62 00:03:28,530 --> 00:03:30,830 -protective narcissism, or at least 63 00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:35,690 narcissistic traits, that unfortunately drove me to lose access to my favorite 64 00:03:35,690 --> 00:03:38,130 humans in this world, the people I love 65 00:03:38,250 --> 00:03:43,370 most of my nephews. In March, three months into leave for insomnia, 66 00:03:43,630 --> 00:03:48,050 I was forced into my actual former 67 00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:52,950 employer's emergency room for suicidal ideations that I didn't have 68 00:03:52,950 --> 00:03:55,530 and was completely misunderstood 69 00:03:55,530 --> 00:04:00,930 about. I was cuffed for my safety while I was on the phone with my 70 00:04:00,930 --> 00:04:03,550 dad on FaceTime in the doorway of my 71 00:04:03,550 --> 00:04:09,050 apartment, looking at four cops with guns, three of them with hands 72 00:04:09,050 --> 00:04:10,730 near their guns, and trying to 73 00:04:10,730 --> 00:04:15,750 explain how triggering it is for me to be treated like this, being told that I 74 00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:16,810 was suicidal when I 75 00:04:16,810 --> 00:04:21,530 wasn't, being triggered while having a recent two -month -old 76 00:04:21,530 --> 00:04:25,590 CPTSD diagnosis, having them tell me I was 77 00:04:25,590 --> 00:04:30,630 suicidal when anyone that knows me knows, that's not an option. I've walked 78 00:04:30,630 --> 00:04:31,930 for the American Foundation 79 00:04:31,930 --> 00:04:36,910 for Suicide Prevention. I've had friends, family, and more die of both 80 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,510 intentional and unintentional 81 00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:44,010 suicide. There's no quit in me. There's no quit in this dog. The fight in my 82 00:04:44,010 --> 00:04:45,110 soul for a good life 83 00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:50,510 won't stop until this universe takes my last breath from my cold, dead lungs. 84 00:04:50,990 --> 00:04:52,570 Now that happened on March 85 00:04:52,570 --> 00:04:56,990 3rd, and since then, since the hospitalization and when I got out on March 86 00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:58,530 11th, I've been on a journey 87 00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:03,890 from rock bottom back up because of a simple misunderstood statement 88 00:05:03,890 --> 00:05:05,550 and making a joke at a 89 00:05:05,550 --> 00:05:10,630 cop's expense. That got me sent in for crisis intervention to where 90 00:05:10,630 --> 00:05:13,650 now I know I belong with 91 00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:18,990 every intention to go much further than I've ever been in due time. My goal 92 00:05:18,990 --> 00:05:19,990 has always been to help 93 00:05:19,990 --> 00:05:24,010 people, and I will do that, and I will find ways to do that while 94 00:05:24,010 --> 00:05:26,490 accommodating my needs, my special 95 00:05:26,490 --> 00:05:31,810 needs, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and more. So, your campfire 96 00:05:31,810 --> 00:05:33,490 concept is similar to what I've been 97 00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:37,410 doing as much as possible on LinkedIn this year and various other social media 98 00:05:37,410 --> 00:05:39,890 networks. By stepping into 99 00:05:39,890 --> 00:05:44,670 comment sections every day, finding ways to get in where I fit in, and finding 100 00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:46,090 my freaking people. 101 00:05:47,290 --> 00:05:51,190 Sarah Sue, Shahada, and I have been rooting each other on for months, and we 102 00:05:51,190 --> 00:05:52,650 call it dinner table 103 00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:57,850 conversations. Now, I want people to feel so safe that it's like being around 104 00:05:57,850 --> 00:05:58,910 a well -adjusted nuclear 105 00:05:58,910 --> 00:06:04,250 family dinner table where everyone gets a chance to share their day. What they 106 00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:05,510 learned, what interested 107 00:06:05,510 --> 00:06:09,990 them the most, what was weighing them down, what were their blockers, and most 108 00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:11,650 importantly, what did they 109 00:06:11,650 --> 00:06:16,370 want to do tonight to make it a great overall day, even if the first half was 110 00:06:16,370 --> 00:06:18,610 rough. Now, I have yet to 111 00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:23,390 truly mask online, unmask online, and I doubt anyone professionally will ever 112 00:06:23,390 --> 00:06:25,750 see me at my rawest, but I do 113 00:06:25,750 --> 00:06:30,850 know that I've learned to unmask and use my voice, my intentions, my 114 00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:33,690 morals, my values, my ethics, and my 115 00:06:33,690 --> 00:06:39,190 personal vision for a softer, kinder, better future for everyone. And 116 00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,710 that, those are all my guiding 117 00:06:40,710 --> 00:06:44,730 principles. Now, helping people is what I do. It's what I love to do. It's 118 00:06:44,730 --> 00:06:45,950 what I've always wanted to do. 119 00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:50,850 It's what I've always been driven to do, and it's always what I've tried my 120 00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:52,990 hardest to do, often at 121 00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:58,130 great cost to myself. No matter what it is, I've always been Johnny on the 122 00:06:58,130 --> 00:07:00,250 spot when I can, personally, 123 00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:05,270 professionally, among friends, family, partners, and many strangers too, all 124 00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:06,510 have experienced my giving, 125 00:07:06,670 --> 00:07:12,170 protective, and providing nature. That's not to say I have only one 126 00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:15,310 side. Now, the provider in me comes from 127 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:20,190 my father, not my mother, and I spent most of my formative years under her 128 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:23,310 primary care. I've been commended 129 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:28,650 professionally dozens and dozens of times for embodying different 130 00:07:28,650 --> 00:07:30,630 core values, but none more 131 00:07:30,630 --> 00:07:35,710 than the value of anticipating the needs of others. Now, so few of those 132 00:07:35,710 --> 00:07:37,310 written commendations or 133 00:07:37,310 --> 00:07:42,790 diamonds or bravos or whatever you'd like to call them, so few of those 134 00:07:42,790 --> 00:07:44,030 were for the problem that 135 00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:48,610 opened the ticket that got me into the room, into the clinic, into the exam 136 00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:50,690 room, underneath a desk, 137 00:07:50,690 --> 00:07:55,630 into a server room, or more. They were all, because while I was there fixing 138 00:07:55,630 --> 00:07:58,410 the problem, I spoke human to human 139 00:07:58,410 --> 00:08:03,770 with the caregivers experiencing technical security or other 140 00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:06,450 issues, and they would almost always open up about 141 00:08:06,450 --> 00:08:10,970 their real problems at work, because they felt safe to share what was on their 142 00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:12,110 mind, because they didn't feel 143 00:08:12,110 --> 00:08:16,950 judged, because they felt like, wow, this person actually cares. Much like 144 00:08:16,950 --> 00:08:19,690 you, Kim. Now, I want to hit your what, 145 00:08:19,690 --> 00:08:24,990 what, what, what in person, or not necessarily in person soon, but over a, you 146 00:08:24,990 --> 00:08:26,830 know, YouTube Live, or a LinkedIn Live, or 147 00:08:26,830 --> 00:08:31,310 something. Even if we just do a one -on -one Zoom or Google Meet, I would love 148 00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:34,190 to answer those questions, because I have far too many 149 00:08:34,190 --> 00:08:38,850 thoughts to make you listen to me any further than you already have to, and 150 00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:42,930 I'm not quite done yet. The number of people that are 151 00:08:42,930 --> 00:08:47,090 starting to show up with one foot over the edge of the field, as you say, on 152 00:08:47,090 --> 00:08:49,710 their way to this campsite, it's just 153 00:08:49,710 --> 00:08:53,870 beyond the field, through a hundred feet of trees, and it's incredible to see 154 00:08:53,870 --> 00:08:55,630 these people inching closer and 155 00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:58,970 closer to where we are, and where we're trying to be, and where we're trying 156 00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:01,030 to go. Now, I see so many 157 00:09:01,030 --> 00:09:04,410 dipping their toe into the conversations we're having, and it heartens me. It 158 00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:06,770 lightens my soul every day, because I 159 00:09:06,770 --> 00:09:12,070 myself am not truly at that campfire yet. While I contribute, I'm contributing 160 00:09:12,070 --> 00:09:13,930 via smoke signal from my 161 00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:19,390 cabin in the woods down the road. My auditory voice can be loud like 162 00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:22,570 a lion, or roar like a lioness, protecting 163 00:09:22,570 --> 00:09:27,330 her cubs. And I mean that in masculine and feminine energy. I mean that in 164 00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:30,370 both loud, angry, stern, and loud, 165 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:35,810 protective energy. And I also don't let people fuck with my 166 00:09:35,810 --> 00:09:38,690 family type of projection, because I'm 167 00:09:38,690 --> 00:09:43,430 protective. And my vocal cords were blessed with range, from soft, kind, and 168 00:09:43,430 --> 00:09:45,190 caring, and loving, to 169 00:09:45,190 --> 00:09:50,250 sterner than anyone will ever want to fucking hear. Now, I do not like going 170 00:09:50,250 --> 00:09:51,530 stern. I prefer light, 171 00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:56,770 and I really lean into love leading the way. But sometimes, you've got to find 172 00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:57,550 your table flipping 173 00:09:57,550 --> 00:10:01,950 energy, and raise your concerns with some authority. Now, my life's goal has 174 00:10:01,950 --> 00:10:02,890 been to build a community 175 00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:06,950 of like -minded, like -hearted, like -valued, and more people, whose focus is 176 00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:07,630 growing together, 177 00:10:07,910 --> 00:10:11,790 holding each other accountable, in positive and helpful ways, and learning 178 00:10:11,790 --> 00:10:12,650 from one another, 179 00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:16,830 with no shame or ego involved. Just the kind of energy we embodied as 180 00:10:16,830 --> 00:10:18,350 children, when we had the 181 00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:23,090 curiosity and drive to solve any challenge we encountered. Our brains were 182 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:24,170 once so spongy and 183 00:10:24,170 --> 00:10:28,110 plastic, that our childlike wonder told us anything was possible, and if you 184 00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:28,930 believed in yourself, 185 00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:32,850 you could do anything. When asked what we wanted to be when we grew up, we 186 00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:34,330 could answer firefighter, 187 00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:39,270 astronaut, nurse, they're fucking awesome. Doctor, they lean on the nurses way 188 00:10:39,270 --> 00:10:40,450 too much, and the 189 00:10:40,450 --> 00:10:45,730 acuity between those two, the ratio between those two is fucked. Or a mermaid, 190 00:10:45,950 --> 00:10:47,210 or a dragon rider, 191 00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:51,970 and there were truly part of us that knew, deep down, we could do anything we 192 00:10:51,970 --> 00:10:52,230 wanted. 193 00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:56,670 We didn't fear failure, because we didn't understand the concept of terminal 194 00:10:56,670 --> 00:10:57,130 failure, 195 00:10:57,450 --> 00:11:01,810 throwing a career away, losing people due to mistakes, and much, much more. 196 00:11:02,150 --> 00:11:03,470 Our receptors for 197 00:11:03,470 --> 00:11:08,650 new knowledge were just on, our antenna for experience, our willingness to 198 00:11:08,650 --> 00:11:09,770 experience and learn 199 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:14,970 new things was essential, because that's the role of developing brain, mind, 200 00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:16,410 soul, and life. 201 00:11:17,670 --> 00:11:23,030 Now, Kim, I've flowed in and out of tears coming up with this response. 202 00:11:23,230 --> 00:11:25,330 I've got notes, but I had 203 00:11:25,330 --> 00:11:29,690 to collect my response to your questions while also telling you a little bit 204 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:30,630 more about myself and 205 00:11:30,630 --> 00:11:35,810 my backstory. You've brought me to tears numerous times while reading 206 00:11:35,810 --> 00:11:37,870 your posts and your comments 207 00:11:37,870 --> 00:11:40,870 alone, not even ones that I've interacted with. 208 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:47,120 Your message this morning, when I saw it a little bit 209 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:51,880 later in the morning, brought me to tears in the most joyous way possible. I 210 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:52,660 was overcome. 211 00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:58,340 Because I've always known that people like you and I exist, and I've been 212 00:11:58,340 --> 00:11:59,840 looking for y 'all for a long 213 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:05,260 fucking time. Unexpectedly, I found some of you on LinkedIn of all places, and 214 00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:06,500 to find a community 215 00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:10,840 that's become so much more than that. I know none of us really know each other 216 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:11,880 yet. I know some of you 217 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:15,520 are meeting each other, and I can't wait to experience that with y 'all 218 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,120 someday. But I also 219 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:21,640 can see that the pattern in the conversations, I can see the guards dropping, 220 00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:22,960 I can see the truth 221 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:27,220 coming out, I can see the scared people throwing that fear away and saying, 222 00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:28,460 no, we have to change 223 00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:32,700 this. It's a fucking feeling of tribes sitting around the fire sharing war 224 00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:33,600 stories and wisdom 225 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:37,460 while cracking jokes and embracing the fact that we need to let the fuckery 226 00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:37,960 begin. 227 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:42,000 And always watch your back for the Hummingbird Mafia. Those hombres don't 228 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:42,260 play. 229 00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:47,880 Now, I didn't have access to catharsis or to sad or happy tears until this 230 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,440 year. And now when they 231 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:53,500 come up, I embrace the hell out of them. I want to thank you because you've 232 00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:54,880 definitely caused some. 233 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:59,500 You've touched my spirit, my soul, my heart, and my mind with your incredibly 234 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,060 touching writing. 235 00:13:02,420 --> 00:13:07,600 Society needs millions more like you. But we can start one -on -one with 236 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,300 incredible humans sharing 237 00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:13,660 their stories, learning the patterns that persist across the world, and 238 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,000 finding ways to solve them 239 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:21,000 together. I'm going to stop here, Kimberly, and I appreciate you more than you 240 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,220 know. I'm sorry 241 00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:25,960 I've given you so much to listen to, but I've been trying to find my long 242 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:26,640 -form voice, 243 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:31,940 and I think this reply to you has truly helped me realize what matters most. 244 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,800 Thank you, Kim. Have an 245 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:34,960 awesome fucking day.